Marriage Jokes You Both Can Laugh At

marriage jokes for married folks

If you've been following our joke blogs, you've already seen Groom & Husband Wedding Jokes and 13 WIFE JOKES YOU HAVEN'T HEARD BEFORE. Unlike those jokes, these are enjoyable for both the husband and wife. So grab your spouse, get comfy on the couch, and enjoy these 13 marriage jokes for married folks.

  1. “A couple had been married for 45 years and had raised a brood of 11 children and was blessed with 22 grandchildren. When asked the secret for staying together all that time, the wife replies, “Many years ago we made a promise to each other: the first one to pack up and leave has to take all the kids.””

 

  1. “All marriages are happy–it’s the living together afterward that causes all the problems.”

 

  1. “A couple was getting married, and it was only three days before the wedding. The bride calls her mother with some bad news. “Mom,” she says, “I just found out that my fiancé’s mother has bought the exact same dress as you to wear to the wedding.” The bride’s mother thinks for a minute. “Don’t worry,” she tells her daughter. “I’ll just go and buy another dress to wear to the ceremony.” “But mother,” says the bride, “that dress cost a fortune. What will you do with it? It’s such a waste not to use it.” “Who said I won’t use it?” her mother asked. “I’ll just wear it to the rehearsal dinner.”

    1. “Some people ask the secret of Anthony’s long marriage. They take time to go to a restaurant two times a week: a little candlelight dinner, soft music, and a slow walk home. The Mrs. goes Tuesdays; He goes Fridays.”

     

    1. My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met.

     

    1. A recent study has found that women who carry a little extra weight live longer than the men who mention it.

     

    1. Dear Couples Who Fight In Public, stop trying to whisper and would it kill you to include some backstory.

     

    1. “A police officer stops a motorist speeding down Main Street. ‘But officer,’ the man says, ‘I can explain—’ ‘Be quiet,’ snaps the officer. ‘I’m going to let you cool your heels in jail until the chief gets back.’ ‘But, officer, I just wanted to say—’ says the driver. ‘And I say keep quiet! You’re going to jail!’ replies the officer. A few hours later the officer looks in on his prisoner and says, ‘Lucky for you the chief is at his daughter’s wedding. He’ll be in a good mood when he gets back.’ ‘Don’t count on it,’ answers the motorist. ‘I’m the groom.’”

     

    1. A police officer jumps into his squad car and calls the station.

    “I have an interesting case here,” he says. “A woman shot her husband for stepping on the floor she just mopped.”

    “Have you arrested her?” asks the sergeant.

    “No, not yet. The floor’s still wet.”

     

    1. When a couple gets married, why is it that the woman changes her name? Because men can’t handle that much planning.

     

    1. Wife: “I love you.”

    Husband: “Is that you or the wine talking?”

    Wife: “It’s me. Talking 
to the wine.”

     

    1. What’s the difference between love and marriage?

    Love is blind but marriage is a real eye-opener.

     

    1. What’s the difference between a bride-to-be and groom-to-be?

    A bride-to-be wants a shower. A groom-to-be wants to get as dirty as possible before his Big Day.

    Got a joke of your own? Let us know in the comments below! Save this article to Pinterest by pinning the above photo. Follow us on Instagram for occasional one liners and make sure to turn on your Facebook notifications so you don't miss out on our next joke post! 

    Know someone who's getting married soon around the bay area? We want to photograph their wedding and give them a special gift. Tell us about the couple in the comments below and make sure to let them know about our special grooms discount


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