If you’re a fan of ifuckinglovescience, you’ve undoubtedly seen the banana kiwi tree. If you haven’t, the tree is made in three simple steps: cutting off the fruit ends, sticking the flesh together, and replanting the new union in a pot. Three weeks later you have a fully grown banana protruding from the dirt. Once peeled you’ll find the insides are a mash up of flavor, texture, and color. The juicers banana is yellower than a kiwi and the flesh apparently is somewhere between the two fruits’ consistencies. If you can believe it, it only takes three weeks for the plant to mature. Too bad the wooden watch tree doesn’t grow as fast, though the steps are similar.
1. Procure the right seed
First you must have one “seed” watch. Make sure to pick this watch carefully as it will be our model clone. Take careful note of the band differences. If you choose a leather band opposed to a wood band your tree trunk and branches will come out leather and the watches will have no bands!
Choose an all wood watch for seamless growth. Again look at the texture and pattern of the wood grain. Wood is a natural product, and each wood pattern for the face, case, and band is distinct even within the same model. For example, the two above Zebra-wood faces have slightly different colors and markings, though they could likely have come from the same wood piece. Once you have the perfect “seed” watch to replicate, gather together a bucket of water, a large pot and a mound of dirt.
2. Sprout the Root
Now you’ve probably seen in our FAQs that our watches are splash proof, though not waterproof. This is due to each watch being a “seed watch.” If the watch is submerged under water, a root will sprout right out of the tree hut logo on the wooden face. If the root does not sprout after submerging the watch for three seconds, then break the glass case protecting the face. Most likely, a Monsanto GM seed spread through the air and affected our watch tree crop, causing the root’s genetics to be too weak to instinctively break through the glass.
3. Bury the sucker 5 inches deep
Once the root has sprouted, bury the watch at the bottom of the pot beneath the mound of dirt. Similar to an avocado tree, the tree hut tree will take 7 years to grow before you reap the results. However within the first two years, you will see the root break through the dirt’s surface. Within 3 years you will see the tree start to bud with what appears to be little wooden pebbles. By 5 years, the buds have blossomed into young watches fitting for barbie dolls and small wristed toys alike, as in the above photo. By 7 years you should have fully developed watches, ripe for the picking. For how to prune our watches, so they’ll continue to grow back, see our article : April fool’s silly.
I hope you enjoyed this April Fool's trick, but if not let us know at Facebook, Instagram, or in the comments below. For outfits to go with your ripely picked watches, ;) check out our Polyvore and Pinterest pages!