50 Bad Dad Jokes That'll Make You Cringe
Dad jokes are a rite of passage for every man who is lucky enough to call himself a father. Equal parts clever and groan-worthy, the dad joke is recognizable by these qualities:
2. Unbearably cheesy
3. Puns galore
4. If told by one's father, it elicits the standard annoyed response: Daaaaad
There is only a minor difference between bad jokes and dad jokes...and that difference is only the first letter. So, without further ado, here are 50 bad dad jokes that are so bad, they're almost kind of funny:
1. Why do bananas need sunscreen? Because they peel.
2. What do you call a cow that just had a baby? DeCALFeinated or A New Moother
3. What kind of fish is made of only 2 sodium atoms? 2 Na
4. RIP boiled water. You will be mist.
5. I don't trust stairs. They're always up to something.
6. If you want a job in the moisturizer industry, the best advice I can give is to apply daily.
7. I hate perforated lines, they're tearable.
8. When my wife told me to stop impersonating a flamingo, I had to put my foot down.
9. What do you call a can of soup that eats other cans of soup? A CANnibal.
10. So I came home from work yesterday to find that someone broke into my apartment. Looking around, it seemed like they didn't really take a whole lot. My TV was still there, my PS4, and my legos were fine. But the apartment was dark, even when I tried to turn on the lights. Seems the only thing that was taken were my lightbulbs and a couple lamps...I was delighted.
11. Why can't you hear a pterodactyl using the bathroom? Because the P is silent.
12. The rotation of earth really makes my day.
13. Want to hear a joke about construction? Nah, I'm still working on it.
14. You heard the rumor going around about butter? Nevermind, I shouldn't spread it.
15. What concert costs only 45 cents? 50 Cent ft. Nickelback
18. Son: Where are my sunglasses? Dad: I don't know...where are my dad glasses?
19. What do they call Miley Cyrus in Europe? Kilometry Cyprus.
20. What's Forrest Gump's Facebook password? 1forest1
22. I have kleptomania. Sometimes when it gets really bad, I take something for it.
23. You shouldn't kiss anyone on January 1st because it's only the first date.
24. If a child refuses to take a nap, is he resisting a rest?
25. What's the difference between a hippo and a zippo? One is really heavy and the other is a little lighter.
26. Want to hear my pizza joke? Never mind, it's too cheesy.
27. What does a house wear? A dress.
28. A furniture store keeps calling me. But all I wanted was one night stand.
29. Want to hear a word I just made up? Plagiarism.
30. Why does Peter pan always fly? Because he neverlands!
31. My wife is on a tropical food diet, the house is full of the stuff. It's enough to make a mango crazy.
32. My wife told me I was average, I think she's mean.
33. Had seafood last night, now I'm eel.
34. I gave all my dead batteries away today... Free of charge.
35. Just quit my job at Starbucks because day after day it was the same old grind.
36. Went to the corner shop today... Bought four corners.
37. How do you drown a hipster? In the mainstream.
38. Nostalgia isn't what it used to be.
39. I'm thinking about getting a new haircut... I'm going to mullet over.
40. I wouldn't buy anything with velcro. It's a total rip-off.
41. Why couldn't the bicycle stand up by itself? It was two tired.
44. What do you call Santa’s helpers? Subordinate clauses.
45. What time is it? I don’t know. It keeps changing.
46. I used to have a job at the calendar factory, but they fired me because I took a couple of days off.
49. You got a haircut? Looks like you got all of them cut!
And the ultimate Dad joke experience....
For more hilariously bad Dad stuff, check out Dad Hairdos and Mustaches throughout the Decades and How to Be a Cool (Hipster) Dad.
Source: Reddit Dadjokes
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